I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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