party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
