Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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