my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
