so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
As shirtless as possible
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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