i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
