I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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