I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Randomize
