I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
