She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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