I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
its liver damage thursday
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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