Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
