I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
