So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
