they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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