Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
