So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
