So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
