break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
