So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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