She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
