At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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