Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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