Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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