So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
