No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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