there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
