Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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