we have pet lesbian snakes
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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