Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
