I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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