maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Bring me that man meat
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
