Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
