So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
