i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize