Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
