oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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