Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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