that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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