My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
