Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
