You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
