this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
