i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
