Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
