they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
