I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize