Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
