Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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