..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
