I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
