do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
