i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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