the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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