Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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