my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
