Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is Oprah even human
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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