make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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