Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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