I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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