Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
