why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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