thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
