Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize