he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
