She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
