i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You are the jesus of drinking
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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