Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
