Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it hurts more in the daytime
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
