Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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