he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
