Slut skills are useful in every country.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
